I hear this so often from parents that I work with regarding their kids; often gladiator and ADHD kids who fixate on something that they just have to have. They will beg and badger until the adult is completely worn down, exhausted and gives in.
Over time, the rewarding of that pattern is actually laying down neural pathways in the brain that cause that brain to know “Oh, I have to escalate, I have to start at this level in order to get my way.”
Then the next time they just start at a higher and higher level to try and get the thing that they want. The brain remembers, and it is why these behaviors tend to become more exaggerated and intense over time
.…until we’re like, “Fine,OKAY!”…and then we make a deal. “But you have to do this!”
The unfortunate part the eager child in the moment to get what it is they want will agree but then often not keep their end of the deal. In turn making us very, very frustrated and left wondering what to do.
If you can relate, then please join me for some strategies on what you can do to get ahead of this behaviour and stand strong no matter what the kids and or teens in your life throw your way.
Meet Jennifer Kolari
Jennifer Kolari is the host of the “Connected Parenting” weekly podcast and the co-host of “The Mental Health Comedy” podcast. Kolari is a frequent guest on Nationwide morning shows and podcasts in th US and Canada. Her advice can also be found in many Canadian and US magazines such as; Today’s Parent, Parents Magazine and Canadian Family.
Kolari’s powerful parenting model is based on the neurobiology of love, teaching parents how to use compassion and empathy as powerful medicine to transform challenging behavior and build children’s emotional resilience and emotional shock absorbers.
Jennifer’s wisdom, quick wit and down to earth style help parents navigate modern-day parenting problems, offering real-life examples as well as practical and effective tools and strategies.
Her highly entertaining, inspiring workshops are shared with warmth and humour, making her a crowd-pleasing speaker with schools, medical professionals, corporations and agencies throughout North America, Europe and Asia.
One of the nation’s leading parenting experts, Jennifer Kolari, is a highly sought- after international speaker and the founder of Connected Parenting. A child and family therapist with a busy practice based in San Diego and Toronto, Kolari is also the author of Connected Parenting: How to Raise A Great Kid (Penguin Group USA and Penguin Canada, 2009) and You’re Ruining My Life! (But Not Really): Surviving the Teenage Years with Connected Parenting (Penguin Canada, 2011).